Texas Republican Representative Louie Gohmert has another crazy line to add to his resume. He recently appeared on Fox News’ Fox and Friends and told host Gretchen Carlson that terrorists plan to use women’s tampons to sneak explosives onto airplanes.
Yes. This is what we’re talking about today.
Gohmert said that he learned of this plot when he was on a flight from Texas to D.C.:
“Two 20ish Muslims sitting next to me were speaking in a foreign language and pointing at an attractive woman woman across the aisle from us (we were on SouthWest). It was then that I noticed what appeared to a be fuse between her legs.”
Okay. Carlson attempted to add some legitimacy to his statements by asking, “Well did you alert the proper authorities?” Gohmet did not, but instead remained alert:
“Through the rest of the flight I became increasingly concerned as my stares only seemed to make the woman more nervous and the two Muslims, obviously seeing that I was about to ruin their plot became more and more agitated. Luckily I had them arrested on the spot when we landed.”
How did Carlson respond? Of course, by explaining that “over-sexed youth” today use tampons instead of sanitary napkins because of the feeling.
Fear not! Though the FBI is not yet examining the case, this threat is not going unnoticed. Gohmert explained:
“Gretchen, I’m over at the TSA everyday screaming bloody murder over these tampon bombs and I’m going to give them a monthly visit until TSA has put in appropriate procedures to counter this growing tampon threat.”
Terrorism and planes have long been on Gohmert’s mind. In August, he suggested that he witnessed another threat while traveling to the Middle East last year:
“A lady on the plane was telling one of our group that they were about to have their second granddaughter. Her husband was with Hamas, her grand — I’m sorry her son-in-law was with Hamas. And that they were going to do with the second as they did with the first grandchild. Daughter is going to come to America right before it’s born on a tourist visa. Have the baby. They just like the option of having American citizens in the family…We’re bringing them over here on tourist visas, some illegally, letting them be born here and saying this is an American citizen. So come back in 20, 25 years when you’re ready to blow us up.”
So now we don’t just have to worry about fully-grown terrorists toting tampon bombs between their legs, but terrorist babies, too.
My theory? Gohmert has a fear of planes, coupled with an active imagination. I don’t know how he has witnessed not one, but two attempted terrorist attacks in his lifetime. The closest I’ve ever gotten has been the signs they put up around the holidays warning against bringing snow globes onto planes, but maybe Gohmert is luckier than I am. In all seriousness, it is interesting that both of these “plots” involve women somehow attempting to trick the U.S. government. As far as this recent tampon assertion, all I can think of is Gloria Steinem’s article from 1978 Ms. magazine, where she asserted that if men could menstruate, tampons would be subsidized by the government, and “menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event.”
As it stands, Gohmert is attempting to make it so that I can’t even bring a box of tampons onto a plane. But as our collective neuroses get worse by the day, pretty soon no one is going to be able to fly, so maybe women aren’t going to have to bear the brunt of this burden.
